Do you think is good writing?
Here’s my first paragraph of my story. I’m really critical of it so far. What do you think I should change? Thanks for your advice. It’s much appreciated.
First Day of school:
A warm late August morning in Lauderdale, Teresa Rivera, 14, White-Hispanic, big brown eyes and long purple tresses rode her bicycle to Washington High School’s front yard. She arrived at seven just as the homeroom bell rings. She parked her bike on the bicycle stands and made her way into Washington High. The halls were brimming with unknown faces, lost freshmen, and kids who looked way too old to be freshmen. This was the freshmen section of Washington High. She learned this at orientation early August. Her hopes of befriending upperclassmen were crushed since the school was divided in sections according to grade and all freshmen shared the same lunch. She drifted through the halls and entered a room 108, her homeroom class. She took a seat in the front row.
I think you should change your first sentence. It’s unbelievably cluttered and didn’t make me want to keep reading. The rest of it is pretty boring to me, but perhaps that’s because I’m not one for school settings. You also say freshman way too much in the paragraph. That’s bad. Other than that stuff though I didn’t find much wrong with it.
